Really Loving This Song Right Now...

Beautiful Lyrics.

Love Stories ARE Real...

 

 

And We Danced...

She was a real woman. But she preferred to be called a young lady. She had other funny habits, that made me feel more normal. We could laugh, and we could lay silent. We could hang out for hours, and both agree that it was never enough time. She was my best friend and I was hers.  I thought of her when the sun shined, and she thought of me at night…
 

A suit, a dress. A candle and a dance. Red wine and my valentine. A man so in love with a woman, that he can’t stop holding her hands. Tears in his eyes, just from looking into hers.  He doesn’t know how he earned this moment, this dance, or this young lady, and all he cares about is her, knowing his heart is hers.

A boy, a girl, he’s looking into my eyes.  This man loves me, but I just can’t decide.  His heart is whole, but I just don’t know, I don’t know if he’s going where I want to go. He is my best friend, a man I love, but I’m not convinced, that I’m ready for this, or really IN love.  This dance feels good, his love is so real, but when this song ends, I’ll let him know, that I’m letting him go.

I love this woman. I can’t picture my life without her, the road we’ve been down, was at times gravel and broken. But she stood by me, came home to me, I was here for her, and I’ve waited for her. Never deterred, never unsure, when this song ends, I’m going to tell her that she is my world.

This is killing me. I love this man. And I can’t even soak up this moment, because we won’t last forever, so I need to let him know, before it gets any deeper. So I’ll hold him close, dance with my head buried in his shoulder, I wish life came with more answers, and fewer unknowns.

She’s pulling me closer, I can see her tears, I’ve never been so confident, that this love will withstand the weather, through all of the coming years.  I chose her for this night, for this moment, for my life,  she must feel the exact same way, that our happiness together was meant to be. I’ve never been happier.

I’m breathing deeper, this man loves me completely.  I can’t let him love me any longer. Do I do it tonight, do I wait for a fight, something about either decision doesn’t feel right. Do I run cuz I know, or do I run cuz I don’t know, I wasn’t ready for this type of decision. This is overwhelming.

I’m going to play another song for her after this, because I never want this night to end…

I hope another song comes on after this, because I’m confused, and I’m screaming inside, and I don’t know how to accept the end.

Our hearts brought us together, it’s hard to believe our minds will let this go.

And I am the narrator. The fly on the wall. I watch these lovers, dancing in the hall.  I feel eternity in his heart, I feel pressure on her mind.  I know the outcome, that he doesn’t know at all. Unsuspected, as he loves, but if he dug down to the core of his heart, he would accept what she saw.  And he will, in time, and he will know that he cannot rewind the feelings at this time.

I am the narrator. And you ask me, how do I know so much. Because I am his heart and his mind.  I am his subconscious, that accepts the truth, when the heart is taken out of the equation.  I am his instincts. His survival. I am the one that protects him, when there is a disconnect, and an intersection, in his life. And although I saw this coming, it will break his heart tonight.  He will ask how, and why, and those are all questions that will be answered in time. In time, when I have time to talk to him, and show him their battled timeline.

This is not a mess. This is love ending, in a beautiful red dress. A flower’s life ending, to render a new seed into the ground. A red rose upon us, wilting, dried up in the night, is STILL just as beautiful, and the day it first blossomed. And he runs his hands across her shoulder blades, down her arms, and embraces her hands, his optimism lets him smile, but she knows this love is dying.

There is no better moment, even if you know it is the last moment, when you love with an open heart. No restrictions, no held back convictions, you will pull the heart from my sleeve tonight, and it will be left on the table, where we had dinner and wine.

I could stop this all from happening. I could sit down and attempt to solve this equation. But I will never wish to delay the inevitable, so I’m trying to appreciate this moment. And I will. And I do. And I will never forget. But my heart will always wonder what the rest of these moments could have been like, over a lifetime. But that’s the treasure, that keeps us hunting.  A rainstorm that renders a rainbow, a pot of gold, and a heart that keeps believing.

Am I lost. No. Am I broken. Maybe. Will I survive, and come back stronger, I will promise you yes.  And every day I keep believing, that my life fits a mold that makes me smile.  And just as the mold renders comfort, I want it to change.  And the train tracks that I follow, are simply a guide. I am not afraid to change the direction that they lead me. There is no predetermined mold. There is a life. A mind. A heart. And a million unknowns. Each decision, will put our lives in different intersections, that lead to different places, and who can call that wrong?

No one.

One life. One million decisions. One outcome. No regrets. This…..is life. 

Life IS Love. Accept NO alternative.


Cheers, Adam

Talk about an eye opener! Cheers to people that love one at a time! If you're truly in love, you CAN'T fall in love with someone else.

Choose the SECOND PERSON, thanks.

I like this pic. EXCEPT...I would change the first word from YOU, to I, and the last word from YOU to ME. That's It.

Oh, and the YOU in the middle, well ya, I'd change that to ME. :)

 



Alyssa Roman...Life Celebration

**For those of you that were asking me, and messaging me for a copy of my speech at Alyssa's Life Celebration, here it is.  You can copy and paste it into Microsoft Word, and print it from there or just save the file. :)



Most of you here know me already... But for those of you who don't, my name is Adam Pifer and I was a Bar back and fruit cutter at china blue for 6 years. J

 

Please bear with me, I haven’t spoken in front of a group of people, in over 10 years, since college. I don’t think screaming “last call” every weekend at 1:45 really counts as public speaking… J

My decision to write this, started with a post I wrote on FB for Alyssa... And I found myself continuing that post in my journal. So I will first read the post, and then continue.

 

“Thinking about Alyssa Roman... Life is NOT measured by the AMOUNT of time you are on Earth, but rather the QUALITY of time you share, the LOVE you spread, the HANDS you hold, the WISDOM you share, and the COMPASSION you teach. The smile on your face could wrap the whole world with love and warmth in less than a second. Your spot in Heaven was ready for you, because your LOVE and LEGACY is tattooed on the hearts and minds of EVERY person you encountered.

 

Save a spot for each of us in Heaven, as the good times will SURELY continue with you as each of us finish our journey on Earth. Thank you for the smiles. The memories. The laughs. The love. The support. The lessons. The compassion. We are ALL better people for the influence you had upon us, and THOSE memories can NEVER be taken from us. Losing someone can bring pain and sorrow...BUT...we didn't lose you...Each and EVERY one of us GAINED from you...Thank you Alyssa Roman. Thank you for being YOU. And putting up with all of US. I am smiling today...finally. And I know you are too. God Bless. WE LOVE YOU...”

 

So…When I finished that post, I made myself dinner. After dinner, I sat down on my couch. And I found myself with a pen in my hand. I didn’t know what else to say… but I felt as if someone, somewhere was nudging me to keep going. To say more. And to deliver a message to all of you here today. So…here I am.

 

She had a zero tolerance for disrespect on shift. Alyssa defended her girls on every shift. She defended her bouncers. And she defended her guests. And one time, I even heard her defending Ted. :)

She was a lover and a fighter. If you complained to her about something, she would tell you to get over it. But she always said it with such a perfect smile. I called it fire and ice. :) She never let you ponder or fester on anger, and she doesn’t want you to right now either. She was supportive, understanding, and a pure joy to be around. She could ride the bull perfectly with no hands. I couldn't even ride it with two hands. And I'm from Kuna.

 

When I first got word of this, I was at a club in Portland last Saturday night. Matty was the first to tell me. My reaction was probably the same as most of you.  Shock and disbelief. I came home Sunday, and I got on my bike. I rode my bike every day this last week. I thought…and I thought some more.  And I asked myself, what would MY reaction be to this situation.  Everything came back to one word. PERSPECTIVE.  I had two choices.  As do all of you.

 

I was overcome with emotion.  I could allow that emotion to turn to anger. I could ask God why. And I could repeat a question I would never have an answer to.  I could harbor feelings that would hinder my own happiness for as long as I CHOSE to fight this.

 

Or I could look for the opportunity Alyssa gave us.  I could look at the beautiful opportunity Alyssa gave each and every one of us.  And that opportunity is, to take this opportunity to examine our own lives.  To read between the lines of the choices and decisions we make on a daily basis.  Alyssa gave ALL of us an opportunity to implement an intervention in our own lives. Who will make the decision here today to do that, I know I will.

 

And so I asked myself, what is my purpose on this earth? Am I giving enough? Am I listening enough?  Am I loving enough? Where and how can I grow and give more? And why haven’t I done it yet?  This opportunity Alyssa gave me, to recognize this, will ABSOLUTELY change my life. And I ask that each and every one of you see the opportunity in this moment, to change your life.

 

In hard times, we all need a vice. Cycling is my vice. Each of you have your own vice.  Some of you lift. Some run. Some shop. Some write.  But I have learned this week, the greatest vice we will ever have, is each other.  The greatest resource on this earth, is not money, oil, or diamonds. It’s us. It’s the chain link we create, when we join hands and hearts. 

 

So I ask all of you, what would Alyssa want? A glass half empty? Or a glass half full? A group of friends hurting? Or a group of friends holding hands? Frowns, and questions? Or smiles and loving memories. We all know that answers to these questions. And in a time when some questions can’t be answered, maybe we can all leave this building with some of our own questions answered on where OUR life goes from here.  And THAT is perspective my friends. That is how we handle adversity and painful moments together. We do NOT hold on to pain. We CHOOSE to replace that with happiness.  Just as Alyssa would WANT us to do.

 

Death on earth is not an ending. It's a beginning. A birth. To something bigger. Something better. An infinity of bliss and happiness, where the ONLY pain, is patiently waiting for the people you love, to join you.

Life is all perspective. We didn't lose her. God found her. And God needed her.

We use gatherings and events as a platform to spread propaganda. So I will do the same. My propaganda is love. Peace. And the pursuit of happiness. We spend every day looking at the first layer, of the people around us. The first layer may look good, but it will never give you satisfaction that lasts. When you leave this building, look deeper. BEFORE you leave this building, look deeper. The greatest gift anyone can give you comes from the core being of who they are. Give from the inside, and let it shine on the outside. Alyssa was the epitome of this.   

 

As you each climb your own ladders of life...don't be afraid to hang by one hand, to grab someone else, and help them catch up. We are in this together. We are a team. We are friends. We are a family. And we are strongest, in numbers. They say always look forward in life.  Don't look behind you. But the greatest surprises in life happen on your left and right, never in front of your face.

 

We are gathered here today for the same cause. To celebrate the life of Alyssa, and to continue a strong foundation and love for Jaxyn. But not all of us know each other. Before you leave here today... Make a new friend. Introduce yourself. But not because I asked you to. Do it because you want to, and as a gift to Alyssa, because even though all of you don’t know each other, you are ALL family to Alyssa.  And THAT is the common denominator that placed us here together today, side by side.

Strive every day, to make you heart, the biggest muscle in your body. It will always be the strongest muscle you have, when you let your mind guide the workouts of life. Tell the people you love, that you love them. We shouldn’t fear…saying what we feel. Even if it’s not reciprocated. Silence, will never hurt as bad as regret.

 

It's not our job to make the people around us, love us. But it is out job, to love the people around us. Alyssa, IS a perfect example of exactly that. And that is a lesson that can LIVE ON. There is a lesson, and a liberty to every action around us. Let the lesson here today be to love fully. Let the liberty be to make peace within yourself for the things you cannot control. I envy the day, where the size of someone’s heart, outweighs his or her social status within their community. The crazy thing is... We decide, as individuals, friends, families, and communities... When that day comes.

 

A true heart can reach far more people, than an ignorant mind. We all fight wars. Whether it’s with a mirror, or our own mind. Let today be a reminder, to love one another, and never to abandon one another. It's not the words you choose, that make something sound good, or the face that says them. It's the passion you put behind them. It's the integrity you put within them. And the journey you take, to stand by them.

 

We all love Alyssa. And the greatest tribute we can give to her, is to examine our own lives, and make the proper adjustments, that make US better people. I am confident, that would make her the happiest.  Love yourself. Love the people around you. Ask for help when you need it, offer a listening ear instead of talking. Ask people how they are, never assume, and most importantly… SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the little things. Because life will show you…the little things, ARE the big things.

 

I believe it takes half warrior, and half angel to find a happy medium on this earth.  Alyssa was the best example of both.  She could spit fire when necessary, but she preferred to spread her wings.

 

In this world, there are leaders, and there are followers. Today, I will ask all of you to be both.  Lead with your heart, and then follow it.

 

God Bless Alyssa. Let’s finish our work here on this earth in good fashion. And let’s do it with an open heart, and an open mind. A special thank you to each and every one of you that took the time to come out here today and show your love and support.

 

Let’s raise our drinks for the celebration of our dear friend, and sister, Alyssa.

 

 

We're Not Broken, Just Bent...



This Song Is: Powerful. Amazing. Emotional. Close to me. Chilling. Accurate. A familiar feeling. Eerie. Awesome. Lonely. Loving. Memorable. Beautiful. Powerful. True. My Life. Yesterday. Hopefully not tomorrow.

 

What if Money Was No Object - Alan Watts

Corporate America...is the BIGGEST thief, of true happiness.  But I do not blame corporate America.  I blame the mind, that does not recognize this...This video is amazing. And true. And amazing.

Feb. 15th

I think this video speaks for itself. haha. It is a special day, I had to make a special video. :)
This video takes a minute to load for some reason. but the black screen goes away and you're able to hit play soon. give it a min. :)

My Valentine: Part II

**This is Part II, to the first one written below this one. For those of you that didn't read the first one, these were written over 10 years ago in college. And although I'm single, I'm proud to say, I am STILL just as passionate about love, and continue to believe in "THE ONE" :)

My hands are the outlet to my heart. And if you touch them right, they’ll hold you forever. Through the nights of question, And the days of sun rays. If you touch my hands with care, with integrity, and sincerity, My heart will forever care for you.

And if you look at my eyes, with every portion of your heart shining through, love will guide us through any street or avenue. And our bodies will intertwine, our hands holding our future, on the nights we cheers red wine.

And if you trust my heart, with every breath you take, I’ll never hurt you, or give you reason to question my devotion to one heart, one lady, two hands, one smile, one mind, your love, in my life.

But right now the idea of us, is but a mere thought we play with. Floating in and out of our minds, or maybe just mine, through thoughts and text messages. And I smile, and I wonder, If we’ll chase this chance, take a passive, or an aggressive stance, and hand each other tickets to the main event.

I can’t shake the thoughts of you on my mind, consuming me constantly, like hands on skin, goose bumps that wake me when I’m weary, and your smile, that lights my day, when the sun hides behind the inversion of clouds. And I can’t really take your hands and tell you this, but I can write my mind, till I have it or lose it.

And I’m mesmerized by my options of strategies, I could drive there, pull over a mile away, get out of my car, and walk the rest of the way, just to relax my nerves before I knocked on your door. I could take your hands, and make you sit in the yard, and tell you that somewhere over the rainbow, lies both our dreams, wanna chase them with me?

I could tell you what your smile does to me, how it changes my day, my ideas, my ways, How it gives me happiness and hope. I could write out a compatibility survey, and ask you to check mark everything that’s similar to me. I could take you to the park, hold your hand, And tell you what I’m looking for in life, and how I feel like I’m holding on to it right now, each and every time that I hug you goodbye.

I could write you a letter and drop it in the mail. I could perch beneath your window and hold up signs, signs that say I’m falling in love with you. I could have a plane fly overhead, with a banner that screams I love you.

Or…..I could just do it my way.

I could wait for rain, and on that evening, I could take you with me, to a building. A balcony, where we’d be on top of the world, and we’d kiss in the rain, cleansed of our past, and ready for our future.


A spectacle, on a building, during rush hour traffic, but slightly before dusk. And as the rain passes, I’d point to the horizon, where a rainbow lights up the misty sky, and I could ask you if you believe in treasure, the type that lasts a lifetime, and lives in your heart.

I could ask you to embark on a journey. An adventure, where we’d hold hands, and neither of us would ever let go. I could tell you of my love for you, not just for your beauty, but for the very foundations, that even allow love to exist. Your voice, your touch, your kiss, your character, and your skillful ability, to push me to be a better person, every minute, of every hour.

And as the last of the evenings light faded, it would bring night, to our first moments as lovers. And I’d stand behind you, with my arms wrapped around you, our eyes both focused on the same horizon, that lay millions of miles in front of us. And before that night ended, I’d engrave your place on my heart, that would last forever.

And when we lay down in bed, I’d kiss your lips, and thank God for the miracle he gave me, And you’d fall asleep before me, and I’d kiss your forehead before I fell asleep. Morning would bring light, to the first day of our new life, and my happiness would hope you became my wife.

And although our love was our first gift, we’d join hands in marriage, in front of all those that believed in us, and as our love and careers progressed, we’d settle into a house that we’d make a home, and no matter the route life took us, we’d never be alone.

And as the very miracle that brought us together, God’s miracles would give our life another, in the form of a daughter, that started our family, and the mere birth of this baby girl, brought our hands even closer to heaven, as they wrapped around her.

And contrary to the rising statistics of divorce, our love would grow stronger with each passing year, because we believe in love, and we cherish it, protect it, hold onto it, and value it.

But this is all just a dream. It isn’t reality. We haven’t stood on that balcony. We haven’t kissed in the rain. We haven’t joined hands or hearts. We haven’t spoke words of love.

But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen. And it’s that very dream that I’ll chase. Until the day it happens.

And we stand on that balcony. And we kiss in the rain. And we join hands and hearts. And we speak words of love. And my Valentine, becomes mine.
Cheers, Adam

My Valentine: Part I

** I wrote this back in college, years ago. I came across it this week while going through old notebooks. It seemed fitting for my blog this week, since its Called My Valentine: Part I. I wrote 2 of them on back to back days 10 years ago. I will post Part II tomorrow night.  They are both COMPLETELY fiction. I was single when I wrote them, it was a creative writing class. so they're written about an "idea" not a real person or situation.

Anticipation. Plagued on my mind. My world. Revolving around that look, in your eyes.

Can I see you?
I want to see you.
I need to see you.
I have to see you.

I won’t ask you anything. You don’t have to say a word. Just look in my eye. Hold on to my hand. And I’ll know, if this is the only place you want to be. I won’t ask for anything. Just sit with me. Lay with me. Watch the stars with me. Now take a deep breath. Close your eyes. And kiss me.

Kiss me smooth.
Kiss me true.
Kiss me with all of you.

Rest your head on my chest. Rest your hands in my hands. Forget about the stress of today. Just lay here with me.

Beneath the stars. On this grass. On this clear night. Before I ask you to be mine.

And I tremble before I talk. I told you I wouldn’t ask for anything. And I can’t do it.
I won’t do it. But I want you. To be with you. To hold you. To kiss you. And to keep you.

Will you be mine? I can’t ask you. I won’t ask you. Is this something you might want? You may change your mind later. But tonight, let me know you want me. As badly as I want to be with you. Let us connect hands and hearts. And let us chase this life together.

Tell you what…
Let me tell you about my week….
How my heart is consumed by you…
And how it all connects back to you….

On Monday, I sit in class. I focus on my professor. But my heart thinks of you. My heart beats for you. My heart wants so badly. To be next to you.

On Tuesday, I study in the library. Alone. On the 4^th floor. So I can focus on my studies.
My mind shifts from finance. And is eventually consumed by you.

On Wednesday, we free write poetry. In my literature class for an hour. It’s the most amazing hour of my week. My notebook is surrounded. By words that describe my feelings for you. This notebook becomes more to me. For it holds feelings I long to show you.

On Thursdays, I walk in the park after class. I pass couples holding hands. And my heart races to be with you. I walk peacefully alone. And wonder how to tell you. My feelings are growing for you.

On Fridays I work late at the bar. I look at happy faces and sad faces. I see people kissing and flirting. And hoping to find someone. With the same amazing qualities. That I’ve found in you.

On Saturday, I see you out with your girls. My heart pounds, and my knees feel weak.
I feel sweat and heat come over me. I try to play it cool, but I’m in love with you. I smile.  I embrace your hug. And I watch you walk out that door.

On Sundays, my day is pretty slow. I stay home and relax and work on math. Every time my phone rings. My heart skips a beat, wondering if it’s you. And before my week is over. And the new one will soon begin. I turn out the lights to crawl into bed. And as I lay my head to my pillow. My phone sounds off with a text message. And I read it. Out loud. Over and over.

Adam, I miss you. I was just thinking about you. Well, I’m always thinking about you.
Look, I can’t hold this back any longer. I can’t stop thinking about you. The way you look at me. The way you treat me. The way you touch my hands.
The way you kiss me. I’m falling in love with you.

A tear forms in my eyes. I’ve lived everyday with integrity. So one day I could embrace.
A moment just like this.

I reply to her message:
I feel this too. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to be with you.

And she replies to me:
Adam, I’m going to fall asleep with a smile. Can I call you in the morning? Never mind, can I come over right now? Can I see you? I want to see you. I need to see you. I have to see you.

And I reply to her:
I’ll be up when you get here. Standing beneath the streetlight. Waiting to hold your hand.
And when you get here. Don’t speak a word. Just kiss me. And hand me forever.

And so on that night began their story. Two hearts once beaten on different paths.
Collecting as one beneath the moonlight. True hearts connecting their treasure, In each other’s arms tonight and forever.

Cheers, Adam

#Truth

 

Cost vs. Reward

I watched an interview this evening on facing adversity, cutting losses, and remembering what is left in FRONT of you, undiscovered yet.

This was by far the most moving quote from one of the participants.

"You put a price... On every decision you make.  And when the situation gets more expensive than the price you gave it, you get out.... "  -Dave Chappelle

I cant even explain why, I love this so much. I just...do.

Hadley Win's

Little Hadley thought it would be funny to lock me outside during Ben and Elise's Super Bowl Party. I was trying to be civil with her through the window...but she wouldnt give in.

 

Anonymous

Sigh...
 
I think...
and I think...

And I write, with intimate words that let your mind infiltrate mine.

Guard dogs that stand down when I write, it's your eyes examining my heart. My life, my mind, served to you on a platter to soak up, or spit out. And I fear ridicule, but not as much as I fear a life of keeping my mouth shut. So words spill, emotions come out, the dam gets breached by built up feelings pushing their way out. And you think it’s okay to tell me what I NEED to write about???

Blasted for what I say...

Blasted for who I'm not, if I'm going under the microscope I'm going to at least do what I want. I don't ask you to read my words, it's YOUR curiosity that brings you to my yard. If this stuff is tough to swallow, then puke it up and don't come back. This is my blog. And the only part of you allowed here is your mind while you read MY words. If this is too much for you then just stay away.

I don't seek pity, because I'm NOT UNHAPPY...

I don't seek hope, because I live with faith. I sound off when you sound off about my intentions, until you learn to shut up or just go away. While you spend minutes telling me how I should manage my page, precious moments are lost that you could be fixing YOUR own brain. I'm healthy, happy, smart, and honest, and if I thought I was living in the past I wouldn't have people viewing, reading, and COMING BACK to a page with little or no value.

So the next time...

You want to ridicule me, on MY turf, maybe be a little more generic so you don't look so jealous. You spoke softly, with ignorant undertones, envy spilling out the sides of your condescending mouth as you tried to disguise the angel you aren't. My blog wasn't written to appease anyone's mind but mine, I feel bad that you get hung up on someone that wanted nothing to do with you.

At least when I talk about my past...

It's with people I actually shared my time with, rather than someone that told me no. Jealousy and envy are disgusting traits that eat the soul, if you were confident about who you were you wouldn't care that a man told you no. I find it humorous that I took the time to write about you. The next time you want to fix something, start with YOUR brain, not my blog.

If my blog truly caused you slivers and snakes...

You wouldn’t come here to read about me and make that mistake.  After you read a couple of these, you know what to expect from me. You start to understand my mind, and relate to my heart, but If you don’t get it, then it’s not my job to help you understand. Find a blog that talks about gardening and knitting and requires little understanding. I don’t write to relate to the senseless, I write to connect with humans. I can breathe silk, or I can spit fire, so I suggest you NOT challenge the reasons I CHOOSE to write.

If you can truly tell me...

After reading my words that you’ve wasted your time, then ya, I’m not for you, and your ears are not the right audience for me.  Your comment was PURE deceptive manipulation in its finest form…and just think, if you put that energy back into your OWN life, you might actually find a gentleman that’s willing to take you out….get whole with yourself. That’s when others will be attracted to you.

Here’s a cheers, to "Anonymous."

May the blessings of growth and understanding enter you, and guide you to a life of happiness, where the decisions YOU make, are more important than the decisions you want others around you to make.

God Bless, and Take Care.

Adam

10 Minute Free Write.

*I put ten minutes on my iPhone timer, and forced myself to type without stopping.  No direction or idea predetermined. At the end of 10 minutes, I stopped. Completely. Kinda weird, and as I reread it, it even leaves ME wanting more… keeps me curious I guess…my brain  is an adventure….here ya go.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You never fear a fight, when you know what you stand for.

Scribbled letters and wobbly double YOU's, that miss the single ME's.

My journal was my release. A place I traveled to witness the universe and feel small again. And through that hole in a wall we call perspective, I was able to experience love in a kingdom that I was never meant to see at all.

Memories stinging me like a million bumblebees swarming me. Pesticide sprayed on the outside does nothing for a burning heart inside. A slow death… tears that represent memories running from me. I'm a mess at times. I know what I'm thinking, but what I say is not always what I'm trying to convey.

Different races standing next to me talking about different places they dream to be. I look them in the eye when they talk, I don't look away. I love from my heart, that's powered by my mind. I choose who I am, I don't let society shape me. I live by the boundaries I set, not by the rules society puts in front of me.

They say when you know, you know. The feelings came fast, but the rest of it didn't. When it's not completely mutual, it's not legit. And that’s when your head pleads with your heart to let go. There was once this girl that I loved with a whole heart. But she only loved the men that told her no. And although my heart said yes, we both let go.
I'm not a prince. And I don't ride a horse. But I knew how strong my love was for her. I wanted to hold my hand open to her forever, but she liked to come and go.

Surrounded, by toads, with tags, that say kiss me please, and the women around me pick them and say don’t hurt me please. And I watch, from a distance where I take notes. Knowing the game is dead in me.  See, I'm explaining, I'm not complaining, love is not always the warmest of feelings. It can blossom and it can wilt, and it can catch fire and rot or burn like a wildfire on a hill.

And you save this page, and you cry at night and you smile each time that you walk away. Your mind is strong, but your heart is torn, so you pick up the phone and call one more time. And he lets it ring, and he lets it sting, and the only thing you feel is like a fool inside, so you send a text, and then the next and next, and he reads each one and deletes the mess. Cuz his heart is torn too, and only he can repair it, he stuck around too long, always believing in you, and then one day, that love was gone, and two people finally woke up, from what was wrong.

And now each day, they drift further apart, a piece of the past, lost in the wind. And he thinks of her, on sunny days, remembers the joy, she brought his way. And on rainy days, she thinks of him, realizes her life is easier since she got away, and that's love my friends, two torn hearts buried in hope, hearts intertwined in poison and wine, and what's left are memories of rain and sunshine, two divided people, with opposite minds. And this is a love story my friends, they don't always end perfect, but they do end at the right time, you can challenge the facts, but you learn to accept them in time.

We all move on, but I catch myself looking behind, living in a moment, with a memory, of made up serenity, denying the truth of actual complexity, and so I taste my coffee, and I remember a time, when I was always waking up with you on my mind. And now those days are lost, and the truth accepted, but I still catch myself going back to those perfect memories. This writing isn't written with proper grammar, it's just a 5 minute run-on until the feelings all gone.

And so I stand, to anxious to sit, to driven to quit, a smile on my face, and a dime in my hand.

ALL experiences = Great Lessons

 

Cheers, Adam

Ice Ice Baby...

So, Saturday was fun.  Went out to have a couple drinks with my buddies and Mikey slipped on ice downtown and split the back of his head open! The fire truck, and ambulance showed up.  We took him to the E.R. and were there till 7am.  He got staples in the back of his head, and then we left to party again. haha 

 

Josh and I fell asleep in his room while we were waiting for him. Sleeping in a hospital is so much fun.

 

 

Getting cleaned up by the physician before the staples.  Mikey is a champ! he was smiling until he got the staples, then....he was crying.

 

Due to head trauma, we were given a wheel chair to take mikey home. We felt it was only proper to add a wheel chair pic to our life adventures.

 

Remember, my friends, be sure footed in life! slow down, take your time, and never forget to live in the moment!

 

Cheers, Adam



Mental Rotation

One day…inside my head.

You pick the day…

Here’s the rotation…

What do you want from me?

A piece of my mind, like my words.
Or if I fell asleep, would you actually take from me?

His name is Adam.

And these are some things I know about him.

He wanted to give up at times…

He closed his eye often. He told a story in his sleep. To anyone that would listen. He felt weak at times. Like he wasn’t good enough. But what he didn’t know… Was each of those moments…were contributions to the building of a man…He would come to be proud of one day.  And so he waits, patiently…for that day.

Dreams aren’t just hopes, wishes, and desires…

They’re little pieces of could be history, and it’s your job to make them come true. Foundations of pride, build and brought to life… in your life.

I don’t know if tomorrow is coming…

Well.. I know it is, I just don’t know if I’ll be here. That thought alone, makes me want to write, all day, all night, nonstop, just in case. I wonder about the day I die…

How many unspoken words will be trapped inside me…

How many lines, and rhymes, and moments I’ll bury. How many people, will miss the things that I say. Maybe none, maybe some, maybe one, maybe many. I have but one dream…one large dream. And it’s to leave my name on your heart. My words on your mind. And I won’t die till I find a way.

To hold my mother’s hand, and hug my father…

To tell my father he’s my hero, second to my mother. To tell my two sisters how much I love them, every day that I was gone from their life. Gone from reality, sinking in the misery I created, compounding from each previous day. I am not always good at this thing we call life. I question whether I’m living, or if I’m just alive.

But before I die, there are some thinks I want….

To stand atop the space needle in Seattle Washington, and remember the things that slipped away from me. To stand in the soy fields of South Dakota, and breathe in the infinite memories. To find the man I stole from as a child, and grand him his every dream. To write a letter, to everyone along the way, that I made fun of growing up, that was horribly wrong of me.

I wish to spread knowledge to this new generation…

And shed a tear for every soldier, and civilian lost in war. I wish to spread wildflowers on the battlefields of bloodshed, and watch new life rise from the ashes of our disturbing past. I wish to turn ignorance to knowledge, and oppression to freedom. I wish to feed food, and fuel dreams, to every open mind.

I wish to grand education to every human…

And I wish to share love to every opposition. I wish these were not wishes on paper. I wish I had the power to make them promises. I wish my promises rendered opportunities, and I wish these opportunities… became recorded moments in history. And I wish my enemies, truly knew me. Sometimes I wonder, how many enemies I have, but I wonder more, how many friends, my enemies have.

Sometimes the real world blinds me…

And closing my eyes is the only clarity. Vision blurred by buried dreams, moments of magic, lost in the city subway. This is our earth. Our world. Our dream. United by different Gods, but similar dreams. I believe in my God, Jesus Christ… But I can overcome ignorance, to believe in you, as a human being. I can hold hands from different lands. Skin colors that differ in pigment from mine, but all hearts are red inside.

I sit alone, in my room, in my bed…

Typing about my life filled with made up pain. But some people wake to enemy grenades. Some people wake to heaven… Some people wake to visions of hell. Some people never wake up throughout life at all. We relate our pain to what’s relative in our life. Never comparing it to what’s going on in the real world.

America, the land of opportunity…

The land of spoil, and dissolving integrity. The values we fought so hard to protect, we’re letting go of our future one child at a time. Kids no longer aspire to be astronauts or doctors. They wish to be stars on reality TV. They wish to be rich and famous, rather than worthy and noble. They wish to be takers, rather than teachers. And parents, caught in their own drama, have forgotten what it means to raise children.

Our kids aren’t being raised worse…

They’re being raised less…They’re being put on the back burner…To parents personal desires and dreams. No longer families, they act more like roommates. I watch the foundation of our country… shift on its own axis. As a parent, you have one chance… to raise each child the right way… To guide and teach them…

What was once the admirable American way…

Now mocked beyond the borders of our own country, our image is indulgence, ignorance, and selfish desire. Our future is being placed in the hands of foreign governments. Debt finally surpassing dreams in this once fruitful land. Desolate resolutions, broken dreams, pavement turned to dirt roads, with more curves, and less straight a ways.

It’s idle minds that carry the most shame…

For they are the ones that have noticed… And the ones that have stood with silent voices.
Silent motions, numb emotions, unnoticed notions, when you turn your back, bacteria multiplies. Germs grow at an alarming rate, if you don’t segregate, the problem from the population, and terminate.

I need help…

I need your help.  I need your mind. Your ideas, your dedication, and your eyes. I need you to notice, these opportunities…. Are passing us by. Time, is the one thing that will NEVER be given back. These are moments we can use our voice… To make a difference. This IS our time.

Sometimes I want to be a psychiatrist…

To understand the human mind. To help and to heal, the hurting minds. Sometimes I want to be a lawyer. To defend and protect the constitution of America. Sometimes I want to run for office. To combine the voices of millions… Into the practices of my every day. Sometimes I want to watch, but often I want to lead. Battles of battalion’s on the capitol steps of this country. Standing in two shoes, representing the ideals of millions. I want change, a country ran by the commoners, not the contingency of wealthy lobbyists and corporations.

I don’t understand how a company can relocate overseas…

And lobby for law opportunities or restrictions in this country. I don’t understand a lot of things. But I’ll always put my foot down, to the people that step in front of me. I am an American. Bred by immigrants that once migrated to this country, before fighting for this country, so that we could live in a sovereign country, FREE of oppression and slavery.

I am already a humanitarian…

That’s been holding the wrong hands. Been loving minds, that don’t love back. Been giving, to people that need nothing. Been investing, in minds that want nothing. Nothing from me, but something for free.

We live in a country, where tanks don’t occupy our streets...

And we take this freedom for granted every day. We protest soldiers returning home from war, we protest at funerals of soldiers that fought for your ignorance.

I don’t always organize my thoughts well…

I scribble this shit on kitchen cupboards and couch cushions or whatever I can reach, from  where I sit. My mind rotates simple to complex, like airplanes to paper mache. They say writers skip generations, maybe my grandpa Pifer gave this gift to me. Inspiration in the paper tablets he wrote on, that are better than treasure to me.

I see stars when I look up…

Mixed with dark, and white shooting lies. Dreams that deserted and devastated me. But once were my security, And the driving force behind me. My mind…checked out by you, while checked into outer space by me.

Drug free for thirty two years…

Except for two times when I was nineteen, that Shawn smoked marijuana with me. And the memory of my parent’s hard work, was the reminder to me, that my life was a promise of opportunity, not a drug addiction that would fail me.

I am Adam. This is the story of my life…

Transactions broken down to individual memories, mixed with dreams, of who I still could be. I am built from many, and that’s what creates me. Stubborn, like my father, impatient at times, gentle like my Nana, love that will never run out, inspired the most, by the steady love of my mother.

Failure, if I was graded in life...

But I cannot ponder on yesterday. My focus is impervious. My heart is committed. My dream is not of fixing yesterday, but of connecting tomorrow. To my heart, my mind,
and mixing it with my love and my time.

I look like simplicity…

But its complexity that defines me, I talk with firm affirmation, but its humility that drives me. I have strengths, and I have weaknesses, I have strong days, and I have insecure days. I have royal days, and I have human days. I have loud days, and I have quiet days. But I will always have LOVE to pass out on every day.

I have admiration for soldiers…

And I have emotion for the elderly, I think parents are our first teachers. And children are our greatest joy. When a girl makes my heart flutter, my first instinct is to kiss her. My second is to hold her hand. And my third is to tell her how beautiful she is… to me, and the whole world.

I don’t always get it right...

I make mistakes. I say stupid things. But I come equipped with a heart that’s never stopped believing in me.  Eyes, that look past outside flaws in the people around me. It’s what you offer from the inside, that makes you feel alive. My hand is always open, except for the clenched fist that fights for equality.  I will not judge a man that loves another man, or a woman that loves another woman, but rather I will love these people when they stand next to me. My contribution to society is fixing me first, then opening my arms to those that need me. And if we all make small changes for the better, we can in turn, teach the person next in line. I’m not saying our work is easy, but nothing of value, comes for free.

Love me today…

Remember me tomorrow.  Let the memories you shared with me shine forever. Let the lessons of love guide your heart, and the pain of loss humble your mind. Let your ears listen through the years, and your eyes compromise when you can’t live without someone you love. Let your hands remain open, and only close when they squeeze the hand of someone you help or love. Fear not, losing someone, or you will never fully love them. You will sabotage the moment with fear of one day living without them. Give, give, give…and when you feel you have nothing left…find a way to give.

Cheers, Adam