10 Minute Free Write.

*I put ten minutes on my iPhone timer, and forced myself to type without stopping.  No direction or idea predetermined. At the end of 10 minutes, I stopped. Completely. Kinda weird, and as I reread it, it even leaves ME wanting more… keeps me curious I guess…my brain  is an adventure….here ya go.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You never fear a fight, when you know what you stand for.

Scribbled letters and wobbly double YOU's, that miss the single ME's.

My journal was my release. A place I traveled to witness the universe and feel small again. And through that hole in a wall we call perspective, I was able to experience love in a kingdom that I was never meant to see at all.

Memories stinging me like a million bumblebees swarming me. Pesticide sprayed on the outside does nothing for a burning heart inside. A slow death… tears that represent memories running from me. I'm a mess at times. I know what I'm thinking, but what I say is not always what I'm trying to convey.

Different races standing next to me talking about different places they dream to be. I look them in the eye when they talk, I don't look away. I love from my heart, that's powered by my mind. I choose who I am, I don't let society shape me. I live by the boundaries I set, not by the rules society puts in front of me.

They say when you know, you know. The feelings came fast, but the rest of it didn't. When it's not completely mutual, it's not legit. And that’s when your head pleads with your heart to let go. There was once this girl that I loved with a whole heart. But she only loved the men that told her no. And although my heart said yes, we both let go.
I'm not a prince. And I don't ride a horse. But I knew how strong my love was for her. I wanted to hold my hand open to her forever, but she liked to come and go.

Surrounded, by toads, with tags, that say kiss me please, and the women around me pick them and say don’t hurt me please. And I watch, from a distance where I take notes. Knowing the game is dead in me.  See, I'm explaining, I'm not complaining, love is not always the warmest of feelings. It can blossom and it can wilt, and it can catch fire and rot or burn like a wildfire on a hill.

And you save this page, and you cry at night and you smile each time that you walk away. Your mind is strong, but your heart is torn, so you pick up the phone and call one more time. And he lets it ring, and he lets it sting, and the only thing you feel is like a fool inside, so you send a text, and then the next and next, and he reads each one and deletes the mess. Cuz his heart is torn too, and only he can repair it, he stuck around too long, always believing in you, and then one day, that love was gone, and two people finally woke up, from what was wrong.

And now each day, they drift further apart, a piece of the past, lost in the wind. And he thinks of her, on sunny days, remembers the joy, she brought his way. And on rainy days, she thinks of him, realizes her life is easier since she got away, and that's love my friends, two torn hearts buried in hope, hearts intertwined in poison and wine, and what's left are memories of rain and sunshine, two divided people, with opposite minds. And this is a love story my friends, they don't always end perfect, but they do end at the right time, you can challenge the facts, but you learn to accept them in time.

We all move on, but I catch myself looking behind, living in a moment, with a memory, of made up serenity, denying the truth of actual complexity, and so I taste my coffee, and I remember a time, when I was always waking up with you on my mind. And now those days are lost, and the truth accepted, but I still catch myself going back to those perfect memories. This writing isn't written with proper grammar, it's just a 5 minute run-on until the feelings all gone.

And so I stand, to anxious to sit, to driven to quit, a smile on my face, and a dime in my hand.

ALL experiences = Great Lessons

 

Cheers, Adam

Ice Ice Baby...

So, Saturday was fun.  Went out to have a couple drinks with my buddies and Mikey slipped on ice downtown and split the back of his head open! The fire truck, and ambulance showed up.  We took him to the E.R. and were there till 7am.  He got staples in the back of his head, and then we left to party again. haha 

 

Josh and I fell asleep in his room while we were waiting for him. Sleeping in a hospital is so much fun.

 

 

Getting cleaned up by the physician before the staples.  Mikey is a champ! he was smiling until he got the staples, then....he was crying.

 

Due to head trauma, we were given a wheel chair to take mikey home. We felt it was only proper to add a wheel chair pic to our life adventures.

 

Remember, my friends, be sure footed in life! slow down, take your time, and never forget to live in the moment!

 

Cheers, Adam



Mental Rotation

One day…inside my head.

You pick the day…

Here’s the rotation…

What do you want from me?

A piece of my mind, like my words.
Or if I fell asleep, would you actually take from me?

His name is Adam.

And these are some things I know about him.

He wanted to give up at times…

He closed his eye often. He told a story in his sleep. To anyone that would listen. He felt weak at times. Like he wasn’t good enough. But what he didn’t know… Was each of those moments…were contributions to the building of a man…He would come to be proud of one day.  And so he waits, patiently…for that day.

Dreams aren’t just hopes, wishes, and desires…

They’re little pieces of could be history, and it’s your job to make them come true. Foundations of pride, build and brought to life… in your life.

I don’t know if tomorrow is coming…

Well.. I know it is, I just don’t know if I’ll be here. That thought alone, makes me want to write, all day, all night, nonstop, just in case. I wonder about the day I die…

How many unspoken words will be trapped inside me…

How many lines, and rhymes, and moments I’ll bury. How many people, will miss the things that I say. Maybe none, maybe some, maybe one, maybe many. I have but one dream…one large dream. And it’s to leave my name on your heart. My words on your mind. And I won’t die till I find a way.

To hold my mother’s hand, and hug my father…

To tell my father he’s my hero, second to my mother. To tell my two sisters how much I love them, every day that I was gone from their life. Gone from reality, sinking in the misery I created, compounding from each previous day. I am not always good at this thing we call life. I question whether I’m living, or if I’m just alive.

But before I die, there are some thinks I want….

To stand atop the space needle in Seattle Washington, and remember the things that slipped away from me. To stand in the soy fields of South Dakota, and breathe in the infinite memories. To find the man I stole from as a child, and grand him his every dream. To write a letter, to everyone along the way, that I made fun of growing up, that was horribly wrong of me.

I wish to spread knowledge to this new generation…

And shed a tear for every soldier, and civilian lost in war. I wish to spread wildflowers on the battlefields of bloodshed, and watch new life rise from the ashes of our disturbing past. I wish to turn ignorance to knowledge, and oppression to freedom. I wish to feed food, and fuel dreams, to every open mind.

I wish to grand education to every human…

And I wish to share love to every opposition. I wish these were not wishes on paper. I wish I had the power to make them promises. I wish my promises rendered opportunities, and I wish these opportunities… became recorded moments in history. And I wish my enemies, truly knew me. Sometimes I wonder, how many enemies I have, but I wonder more, how many friends, my enemies have.

Sometimes the real world blinds me…

And closing my eyes is the only clarity. Vision blurred by buried dreams, moments of magic, lost in the city subway. This is our earth. Our world. Our dream. United by different Gods, but similar dreams. I believe in my God, Jesus Christ… But I can overcome ignorance, to believe in you, as a human being. I can hold hands from different lands. Skin colors that differ in pigment from mine, but all hearts are red inside.

I sit alone, in my room, in my bed…

Typing about my life filled with made up pain. But some people wake to enemy grenades. Some people wake to heaven… Some people wake to visions of hell. Some people never wake up throughout life at all. We relate our pain to what’s relative in our life. Never comparing it to what’s going on in the real world.

America, the land of opportunity…

The land of spoil, and dissolving integrity. The values we fought so hard to protect, we’re letting go of our future one child at a time. Kids no longer aspire to be astronauts or doctors. They wish to be stars on reality TV. They wish to be rich and famous, rather than worthy and noble. They wish to be takers, rather than teachers. And parents, caught in their own drama, have forgotten what it means to raise children.

Our kids aren’t being raised worse…

They’re being raised less…They’re being put on the back burner…To parents personal desires and dreams. No longer families, they act more like roommates. I watch the foundation of our country… shift on its own axis. As a parent, you have one chance… to raise each child the right way… To guide and teach them…

What was once the admirable American way…

Now mocked beyond the borders of our own country, our image is indulgence, ignorance, and selfish desire. Our future is being placed in the hands of foreign governments. Debt finally surpassing dreams in this once fruitful land. Desolate resolutions, broken dreams, pavement turned to dirt roads, with more curves, and less straight a ways.

It’s idle minds that carry the most shame…

For they are the ones that have noticed… And the ones that have stood with silent voices.
Silent motions, numb emotions, unnoticed notions, when you turn your back, bacteria multiplies. Germs grow at an alarming rate, if you don’t segregate, the problem from the population, and terminate.

I need help…

I need your help.  I need your mind. Your ideas, your dedication, and your eyes. I need you to notice, these opportunities…. Are passing us by. Time, is the one thing that will NEVER be given back. These are moments we can use our voice… To make a difference. This IS our time.

Sometimes I want to be a psychiatrist…

To understand the human mind. To help and to heal, the hurting minds. Sometimes I want to be a lawyer. To defend and protect the constitution of America. Sometimes I want to run for office. To combine the voices of millions… Into the practices of my every day. Sometimes I want to watch, but often I want to lead. Battles of battalion’s on the capitol steps of this country. Standing in two shoes, representing the ideals of millions. I want change, a country ran by the commoners, not the contingency of wealthy lobbyists and corporations.

I don’t understand how a company can relocate overseas…

And lobby for law opportunities or restrictions in this country. I don’t understand a lot of things. But I’ll always put my foot down, to the people that step in front of me. I am an American. Bred by immigrants that once migrated to this country, before fighting for this country, so that we could live in a sovereign country, FREE of oppression and slavery.

I am already a humanitarian…

That’s been holding the wrong hands. Been loving minds, that don’t love back. Been giving, to people that need nothing. Been investing, in minds that want nothing. Nothing from me, but something for free.

We live in a country, where tanks don’t occupy our streets...

And we take this freedom for granted every day. We protest soldiers returning home from war, we protest at funerals of soldiers that fought for your ignorance.

I don’t always organize my thoughts well…

I scribble this shit on kitchen cupboards and couch cushions or whatever I can reach, from  where I sit. My mind rotates simple to complex, like airplanes to paper mache. They say writers skip generations, maybe my grandpa Pifer gave this gift to me. Inspiration in the paper tablets he wrote on, that are better than treasure to me.

I see stars when I look up…

Mixed with dark, and white shooting lies. Dreams that deserted and devastated me. But once were my security, And the driving force behind me. My mind…checked out by you, while checked into outer space by me.

Drug free for thirty two years…

Except for two times when I was nineteen, that Shawn smoked marijuana with me. And the memory of my parent’s hard work, was the reminder to me, that my life was a promise of opportunity, not a drug addiction that would fail me.

I am Adam. This is the story of my life…

Transactions broken down to individual memories, mixed with dreams, of who I still could be. I am built from many, and that’s what creates me. Stubborn, like my father, impatient at times, gentle like my Nana, love that will never run out, inspired the most, by the steady love of my mother.

Failure, if I was graded in life...

But I cannot ponder on yesterday. My focus is impervious. My heart is committed. My dream is not of fixing yesterday, but of connecting tomorrow. To my heart, my mind,
and mixing it with my love and my time.

I look like simplicity…

But its complexity that defines me, I talk with firm affirmation, but its humility that drives me. I have strengths, and I have weaknesses, I have strong days, and I have insecure days. I have royal days, and I have human days. I have loud days, and I have quiet days. But I will always have LOVE to pass out on every day.

I have admiration for soldiers…

And I have emotion for the elderly, I think parents are our first teachers. And children are our greatest joy. When a girl makes my heart flutter, my first instinct is to kiss her. My second is to hold her hand. And my third is to tell her how beautiful she is… to me, and the whole world.

I don’t always get it right...

I make mistakes. I say stupid things. But I come equipped with a heart that’s never stopped believing in me.  Eyes, that look past outside flaws in the people around me. It’s what you offer from the inside, that makes you feel alive. My hand is always open, except for the clenched fist that fights for equality.  I will not judge a man that loves another man, or a woman that loves another woman, but rather I will love these people when they stand next to me. My contribution to society is fixing me first, then opening my arms to those that need me. And if we all make small changes for the better, we can in turn, teach the person next in line. I’m not saying our work is easy, but nothing of value, comes for free.

Love me today…

Remember me tomorrow.  Let the memories you shared with me shine forever. Let the lessons of love guide your heart, and the pain of loss humble your mind. Let your ears listen through the years, and your eyes compromise when you can’t live without someone you love. Let your hands remain open, and only close when they squeeze the hand of someone you help or love. Fear not, losing someone, or you will never fully love them. You will sabotage the moment with fear of one day living without them. Give, give, give…and when you feel you have nothing left…find a way to give.

Cheers, Adam

 

2013 Passion

I made this video tonight. I think it is self explanatory. I would recommend enlarging the video, and playing it on something with quality sound... I hope you enjoy it.

Cheers, Adam

Cross Frequency

I am not alone.

You are here, with me in this very moment. I am being watched by a predator that hunts me day and night, and lives within me. I am adam. No, he is adam. No, we are adam.

 
And I stare.
Into that mirror. With that blank face. While my heart fights my mind. I know which one is the tyrant, and which one the saint. And I know which one is trying to hurt me this time. My voice is soft. Empty. So I speak in silence with me eyes. I'll give you one match. And I'll give you one swipe. You'll strike fire, or you'll break with failure.

Your mind will spend years mopping memories that you couldn't wipe clean.

While the mannequins around you burn calories and leave. I haven't forgotten you Adam. But I haven't always helped you. I've watched your heart take you on path's where your mind wound contradict you. And I've let you speak words loaded with bombs that would come back to haunt you.

I am the best you.

You are the weakest me. You'll fight me for a lifetime, or you'll learn to depend on me. You don't always love me, or listen to me, but you've never left me. Let me help you. On lonely nights let me hold you. Your phone holds numbers that can only hurt you. The voices that you miss will always leave you. Cast your doubt into a bottle, left with a sailor, bound for a sea, locked with steel and sealed without a key. Turn the page of the book that burns, with a glow so bright that you still see it when you sleep at night. Your past is tangled, but your future is knot free.

Your voice cracks with fear.

How can I possibly believe you. Only a fool would listen to you, but I will worship you. I will fight you until I fall, and then I will look up to you, I will fail you until you fall, but I'll never walk away from you. I will love you, I will try to leave you. But when you're ready to listen, I will be here with you.

I have come to confess to you Adam.

These chains you wear, were not placed on you by anyone from your past. The enemy that bound you is the enemy living inside you. Your mind and your heart are at war. And you feed your mind so that your heart can grow, but you bite the resource that plans this war. Espionage and treason taking control, your mind is on trial by a heart that can't let go.

And if you want proof, take one tear drop under a microscope and watch the memories flood like an el niño year.

You love me, but you fear me.

At night when you toss and turn, it's me that's holding your mind hostage for a ransom you can’t afford. When you're strong, it’s because I've fed you and when you're weak it's because I've robbed you. When you think, it's because I've fueled you, and when you freeze it's because I've stung you. Your happiness is created by you, but interrupted by me, and your pain is a result of our failures meeting together in harmony. I sell you on a discount shelf to anyone that will have you. Buy one get one free. We will market the strong Adam, and give them the mess for free.

And I tell you Adam, each day behind you is never coming back. Why are you trading the dreams ahead of you for a memory in the past? Why are you lost in hope rather than discovered in faith.

I can choose for you, but I can rarely change your mind. Remember that one time, we sat in central park together. Your heart told you to hold on, but I told you to let go? And you ignored me for the rest of the day? While the person you loved ignored your whole life?

**The title fight of your life... Will always be with yourself. And no matter which side of you wins.. There will be rematches... Lasting... For the rest of your life. Fight, knowing you won't win every match, but fight to show you'll never stand down from life or the self-imposed limitations of yourself.

 

Cheers, Adam

 

It Starts With...YOU.

A close friend recently went through a tough divorce a couple months back, and I remember sitting with him, late one night, just listening to his world unfold, his life unravel, and his mind collapse.  His tears, and his tone, revealed a fear, that I had not seen in him ever before.
 

I distinctively remember this part:

 

He said, "Adam, without her, I have NOTHING" and I said, "No, without her, you'll rediscover EVERYTHING."

 

What I didn’t realize, is that he’d be sitting, with relentless support, listening to my world unravel , giving me my own words back, less than two weeks later.  This led me to realize, God gives us incredible strength, in the people around us, if we just open our eyes…

 

A special person once told me, “Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.” 

 

And when I truly examined the meaning of this, I realized I had to trust God’s plan for my life, and stop trying to hand God the plans to my life.  Some of the things we pray for, are nothing more than desires along our path.  I have come to accept love falls apart, far more often than it sticks together.  I once thought it was our duty, to fix it, to hold on to it, and to prevent its collapse, but that’s not my job anymore.  That’s God at work, trying to get us back on OUR own individual path…

 

One thing I’ve learned in life, is an open mind, doesn’t always mean open arms or an open heart.  Life itself, is a success story. Leave an impression on a heart, not an employer...when you get to the end of your life, love will be the greatest success of all! :)

 

Some people date for the thrill, some for the adventure, and others of us with an objective in mind.  Find the person, that compliments you, not completes you.  Be gentle with the hearts you engage. When you are single, and truly feel complete, it is then, that you will attract love into your life.  Don’t force it, don’t push it, when it’s meant to be, it will be.  If you don’t believe this, you are not living complete yet, get back on track!

 

Breakups are not always meant for makeups. Breakups can be life changing, for the better, if you let them.  Take the opportunity, to rediscover yourself.  Engross yourself in your passions.  Look back over your years, remember the things that made you happy, and find NEW hobbies.  Try new things.  Exit your comfort zone, because that, is where TRUE growth comes from.  Do not lead a stagnant life.  You will grow weary, and you will spread clouds to the people around you.  Be a pillar of strength.  And give, everyday, that which you would like to receive.  Nothing stays the same.  Your environment will constantly change.  Your best chance at happiness and success, will be your WILLINGNESS and ABILITY to adapt to environments that you cannot predict nor control.

 
Love doesn't sustain from assumptions, it sustains from repeated and consistent actions. Talk is cheap, if you can't prove it, and you haven't earned it, then you don't deserve it.  When you move forward, leave animosity behind.  Do not seek revenge, or payback, but rather appreciate the lesson.  A bad fit, doesn’t mean it was shared between bad people. If only one true love wins, that means many more along the way must fail before the final success.  Consider this practice, for the final dance. Believe in “that one.” Believe that God will provide, and remember, it will happen on His timeline, not yours.

I will never be good enough to many, but to one... I will be everything. That's worth waiting for...and you, my friends, MUST believe the same.

 

Cheers, and God Bless.

Adam

2013 Challenge...

I challenge each and every one of you to take this new year, as a new start.  If you’re on the right path, continue, but welcome new growth.  If you aren’t happy, evaluate.  And if you’re ready, change. Life is so short, so unpredictable, and there is no script. Prepare for your future, but don’t forget that tomorrow is not a promise.  Live in the moment, love with all of your heart, and tell the people you love, that you love them. Spread happiness everywhere you go. Engage strangers, smile often, help others in need.

When you need help, ask for it, and when others need help, be there.  The world is bigger than you, so don’t let your head overgrow your opportunity to love and learn.  Don’t live like you’re entitled. There are people with far more than you, and far, far more people, with far less than you.  Each of you is equal. Truth and happiness come from the heart, and each of us can give equally of that.

Don’t look down on others, look at them level. Shake hands, smile with emotion, it’s not just an act, it’s a feeling.  If you’re embarrassed of certain friends, it’s most likely you that has the insecurity.  Let people be who they are.  If you want to judge, start in front of the mirror.  People fight battles far beyond what they admit to. Don’t add to anyone’s problems, but rather be there when you can, and even sometimes when you can’t.

Talk, the human voice is beautiful. But don’t forget to listen.  The wisest person in the room will never admit to it, because they are also humble.  Do something that will surprise yourself this year.  Feel alive, and never take that feeling for granted.  Be careful with love, but never fear it.  Treat others how you want to be treated, and be kind to everyone you encounter, even if you feel otherwise. 

Before you try to make someone else better, write down 5 goals that will make you better. Post them on your bedroom door. Even if you have roommates. Accountability is gift, and you should welcome it. You cannot truly desire change, and believe in it, without believing in accountability.  It you think things will just happen for you, you’re dreaming. Stop dreaming, and make them happen. You have the power. You have everything you need, when you have desire and determination.  It welcomes love, friendship, and growth. 

Be aware…there is more going on, that what’s in your head.  Don’t be the weakest link, in the chain of life.  Fight, every day, with determination, and a smile.  Fight to continue the good, fight to stop the bad.  Stand by your values, spread them when you can. Share your ideals, but push them on no one.  Seek open minds, and keep yours open all the time.  Passion…is the key to life. Passion in what you do, who you are, how you act, and what you say.  Passion for happiness will keep the fire burning for a lifetime.  Don’t look down on others that are trying.  You’re not perfect, nor does anyone want you to be.

Be frugal with your spending, generous with your giving, and let your heart beat as loud and as hard as it wants to.  If you like someone, tell them.  If someone hurts you, forgive them, and NEVER say your life sucks.  If you’re reading this, you ALREADY have more, than the majority of the people on this planet. Pray for those people… accept the differences in others. If we were all the same, it would get boring.

Stand when you want to sit. Run when you want to walk. Fly when you dream, and hold hands every chance you get.  Never neglect the power of one kiss.  And don’t fast forward relationships.  The true beauty, is not in the future, but in that you choose each other all over again, at the beginning of each new day.  Play with children, encourage their dreams, and promise them they will reach them. Volunteer what you can. Your finances, heart, mind, hands, and voice all have equal ability to change this world. 

Stop saying one person can’t make a difference, and start talking. People will hear you.  Your voice is beautiful and unique from anyone else on this earth.  Stop asking why some people are different than us, and start embracing similarities. Similarities like dreams, desire for happiness, and the human need for friendship.

This is my challenge to me, and this is my challenge to you. This is my dream for 2013.  I want to be held accountable, and I want to feel more alive this year, than ever before. I recognize I am in charge of my happiness, and I want you to recognize that too.

When we join hands, we are more powerful, as people, than any weapon on earth.  I’m living my life with my hands, my heart, and my mind open…I pray that each and every one of you is too.  God Bless each and every one of you, and I hope 2013 is the year you realize how in control, you really are.  I’m reaffirming my promise to reignite my life today…and I hope you will too.

 

*I wrote this today, in the hopes that everyone that reads it, will sign a mental contract with themselves, to achieve this to the best of their ability. 

 

Cheers, Adam

 

New Years Eve in Times Square, New York City

I’ve always wanted to experience a New Year’s Eve in Manhattan’s Times Square, New York City. So.. I decided it was time. I told no one before I booked, and invited no one. I simply booked the room, and the ticket on a whim.

This trip was more than just checking something off the bucket list.  It was an opportunity to accomplish much more.  I’ve spent a lot of time on my own in the last couple years…and it’s given me a lot of time to…think.

Going on a vacation, alone, is the pinnacle of the thinking process. It is the nucleus of growth and focus for me.  When I get away, and all I have is me… I’m faced with a situation where I decide the outcome.  I spent a lot of time in the last 4 days, in NYC, not only taking in the city, but utilizing the time to think about my life, my goals, and my dreams.

I spent time reflecting on feelings, emotions, moments, and memories. I realized those “things” are not in my present. They are in my past. They are moments that help drive my dreams though, and for that I am thankful.  I know where I’ve been, I know where I’m going.  If you really want to get personal with yourself, and make sure that you love yourself, take a vacation….with yourself.

Here is a slide show from the trip. You can enlarge the video by clicking in the lower right corner of the video. Enjoy! Happy New Year, and God Bless to all!