Cross Frequency

I am not alone.

You are here, with me in this very moment. I am being watched by a predator that hunts me day and night, and lives within me. I am adam. No, he is adam. No, we are adam.

 
And I stare.
Into that mirror. With that blank face. While my heart fights my mind. I know which one is the tyrant, and which one the saint. And I know which one is trying to hurt me this time. My voice is soft. Empty. So I speak in silence with me eyes. I'll give you one match. And I'll give you one swipe. You'll strike fire, or you'll break with failure.

Your mind will spend years mopping memories that you couldn't wipe clean.

While the mannequins around you burn calories and leave. I haven't forgotten you Adam. But I haven't always helped you. I've watched your heart take you on path's where your mind wound contradict you. And I've let you speak words loaded with bombs that would come back to haunt you.

I am the best you.

You are the weakest me. You'll fight me for a lifetime, or you'll learn to depend on me. You don't always love me, or listen to me, but you've never left me. Let me help you. On lonely nights let me hold you. Your phone holds numbers that can only hurt you. The voices that you miss will always leave you. Cast your doubt into a bottle, left with a sailor, bound for a sea, locked with steel and sealed without a key. Turn the page of the book that burns, with a glow so bright that you still see it when you sleep at night. Your past is tangled, but your future is knot free.

Your voice cracks with fear.

How can I possibly believe you. Only a fool would listen to you, but I will worship you. I will fight you until I fall, and then I will look up to you, I will fail you until you fall, but I'll never walk away from you. I will love you, I will try to leave you. But when you're ready to listen, I will be here with you.

I have come to confess to you Adam.

These chains you wear, were not placed on you by anyone from your past. The enemy that bound you is the enemy living inside you. Your mind and your heart are at war. And you feed your mind so that your heart can grow, but you bite the resource that plans this war. Espionage and treason taking control, your mind is on trial by a heart that can't let go.

And if you want proof, take one tear drop under a microscope and watch the memories flood like an el niño year.

You love me, but you fear me.

At night when you toss and turn, it's me that's holding your mind hostage for a ransom you can’t afford. When you're strong, it’s because I've fed you and when you're weak it's because I've robbed you. When you think, it's because I've fueled you, and when you freeze it's because I've stung you. Your happiness is created by you, but interrupted by me, and your pain is a result of our failures meeting together in harmony. I sell you on a discount shelf to anyone that will have you. Buy one get one free. We will market the strong Adam, and give them the mess for free.

And I tell you Adam, each day behind you is never coming back. Why are you trading the dreams ahead of you for a memory in the past? Why are you lost in hope rather than discovered in faith.

I can choose for you, but I can rarely change your mind. Remember that one time, we sat in central park together. Your heart told you to hold on, but I told you to let go? And you ignored me for the rest of the day? While the person you loved ignored your whole life?

**The title fight of your life... Will always be with yourself. And no matter which side of you wins.. There will be rematches... Lasting... For the rest of your life. Fight, knowing you won't win every match, but fight to show you'll never stand down from life or the self-imposed limitations of yourself.

 

Cheers, Adam