*I put ten minutes on my iPhone timer, and forced myself
to type without stopping. No direction
or idea predetermined. At the end of 10 minutes, I stopped. Completely. Kinda weird,
and as I reread it, it even leaves ME wanting more… keeps me curious I guess…my
brain is an adventure….here ya go.
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You never fear a fight, when you know what you stand for.
Scribbled letters and wobbly double YOU's, that miss the single ME's.
My journal was my release. A place I traveled to witness the universe and feel small again. And through that hole in a wall we call perspective, I was able to experience love in a kingdom that I was never meant to see at all.
Memories stinging me like a million bumblebees swarming me. Pesticide sprayed on the outside does nothing for a burning heart inside. A slow death… tears that represent memories running from me. I'm a mess at times. I know what I'm thinking, but what I say is not always what I'm trying to convey.
Different races standing next to me talking about different places they dream to be. I look them in the eye when they talk, I don't look away. I love from my heart, that's powered by my mind. I choose who I am, I don't let society shape me. I live by the boundaries I set, not by the rules society puts in front of me.
They say when you know, you know. The feelings came fast, but the rest of it didn't. When it's not completely mutual, it's not legit. And that’s when your head pleads with your heart to let go. There was once this girl that I loved with a whole heart. But she only loved the men that told her no. And although my heart said yes, we both let go.
I'm not a prince. And I don't ride a horse. But I knew how strong my love was for her. I wanted to hold my hand open to her forever, but she liked to come and go.
Surrounded, by toads, with tags, that say kiss me please, and the women around me pick them and say don’t hurt me please. And I watch, from a distance where I take notes. Knowing the game is dead in me. See, I'm explaining, I'm not complaining, love is not always the warmest of feelings. It can blossom and it can wilt, and it can catch fire and rot or burn like a wildfire on a hill.
And you save this page, and you cry at night and you smile each time that you walk away. Your mind is strong, but your heart is torn, so you pick up the phone and call one more time. And he lets it ring, and he lets it sting, and the only thing you feel is like a fool inside, so you send a text, and then the next and next, and he reads each one and deletes the mess. Cuz his heart is torn too, and only he can repair it, he stuck around too long, always believing in you, and then one day, that love was gone, and two people finally woke up, from what was wrong.
Scribbled letters and wobbly double YOU's, that miss the single ME's.
My journal was my release. A place I traveled to witness the universe and feel small again. And through that hole in a wall we call perspective, I was able to experience love in a kingdom that I was never meant to see at all.
Memories stinging me like a million bumblebees swarming me. Pesticide sprayed on the outside does nothing for a burning heart inside. A slow death… tears that represent memories running from me. I'm a mess at times. I know what I'm thinking, but what I say is not always what I'm trying to convey.
Different races standing next to me talking about different places they dream to be. I look them in the eye when they talk, I don't look away. I love from my heart, that's powered by my mind. I choose who I am, I don't let society shape me. I live by the boundaries I set, not by the rules society puts in front of me.
They say when you know, you know. The feelings came fast, but the rest of it didn't. When it's not completely mutual, it's not legit. And that’s when your head pleads with your heart to let go. There was once this girl that I loved with a whole heart. But she only loved the men that told her no. And although my heart said yes, we both let go.
I'm not a prince. And I don't ride a horse. But I knew how strong my love was for her. I wanted to hold my hand open to her forever, but she liked to come and go.
Surrounded, by toads, with tags, that say kiss me please, and the women around me pick them and say don’t hurt me please. And I watch, from a distance where I take notes. Knowing the game is dead in me. See, I'm explaining, I'm not complaining, love is not always the warmest of feelings. It can blossom and it can wilt, and it can catch fire and rot or burn like a wildfire on a hill.
And you save this page, and you cry at night and you smile each time that you walk away. Your mind is strong, but your heart is torn, so you pick up the phone and call one more time. And he lets it ring, and he lets it sting, and the only thing you feel is like a fool inside, so you send a text, and then the next and next, and he reads each one and deletes the mess. Cuz his heart is torn too, and only he can repair it, he stuck around too long, always believing in you, and then one day, that love was gone, and two people finally woke up, from what was wrong.
And now each day, they drift further apart, a piece of
the past, lost in the wind. And he thinks of her, on sunny days, remembers the
joy, she brought his way. And on rainy days, she thinks of him, realizes her
life is easier since she got away, and that's love my friends, two torn hearts
buried in hope, hearts intertwined in poison and wine, and what's left are
memories of rain and sunshine, two divided people, with opposite minds. And
this is a love story my friends, they don't always end perfect, but they do end
at the right time, you can challenge the facts, but you learn to accept them in
time.
We all move on, but I catch myself looking behind, living
in a moment, with a memory, of made up serenity, denying the truth of actual
complexity, and so I taste my coffee, and I remember a time, when I was always
waking up with you on my mind. And now those days are lost, and the truth
accepted, but I still catch myself going back to those perfect memories. This
writing isn't written with proper grammar, it's just a 5 minute run-on until
the feelings all gone.
And so I stand, to anxious to sit, to driven to quit, a
smile on my face, and a dime in my hand.
ALL experiences = Great Lessons
ALL experiences = Great Lessons
Someone once said (and I wonder who) "You can’t miss someone you’ve never truly met.
ReplyDeleteYou can’t love someone you never truly knew…
Is this still true?
oh man. what a great question. wow. i guess time changes people. and people change other people's perspective. i can look at things i wrote 5 years ago, and see that i feel differently about positions i once took. everything i say is a small portion, or a recipe, of a larger result. i guess if you broke it down line by line, and asked me if i truly believed every word i wrote, my answer would be a clear NO. "you can't miss someone you you've never truly met" was a metaphor, for saying you can only miss the person you made up... but in reality, everyone you give a part of your heart to, will in turn give YOU something to miss. good, or bad relationship, you WILL miss something. and yes, you CAN love someone you never truly knew, because again, the underlying meaning was not that you cant love them, but that people arent always who you think they are. you point out the meaning in the first half of those comments, but my emphesis was on the second half of them. every women from my past, that once reserved space in my heart, gave me something special, for whatever minimal time frame it lasted. i'm human, and i've made my mistakes, but i would like to think when the pain wears off, and it has, i too, have left a fond memory in the people's hearts that have loved ME. i choose how my past affects me. i choose the memories i hold onto. i live for today and tomorrow, and when i think about my past, i think about kisses. hugs. holding hands. laughter. giggling. journey's. connections. i'm not a perfect man. i'm not a perfect man, but i've laid down my mistakes on paper for the whole world to see. that doesnt make my mistakes accounted for, but it does make me whole again. and as life passes by... i realize its my opinion of myself that matters first, not what others think of me. thanks for the comment. thanks for reading. thanks for looking below the surface. thanks for everything...i love "anonymous" comments. a million memories and scenarios encompass my mind over the last decade.
ReplyDeleteI like those two phrases! I cant seem to find them - were they in a post that was removed? Here is another anonymous comment for you since you love them so much... I have always enjoyed reading your writings even though we have never met. I cant wait for a time when, hopefully, you get over this girl and start living in the present. You seem to be so stuck in the past I have to ask - how many opportunities have you missed? Are you missing new challenges/possible loves/adventures right in front of you? Honestly? This person who hurt you so seems to take up so much of your time, energy and infiltrates these precious writings. I am blessed that you share your deepest thoughts and inspirations with the world, but I crave to hear more about other parts of your life (if of course to choose to share those things). When I saw the note you posted about your friend getting hurt - I have to say it was such a nice change of pace to see something not revolving around the heartbreak/love/loss, etc. that you seem to be swimming in constantly. I understand this is a part of life but at some point you/me/everyone has to accept that was has passed is the past. Yes - people shape you and memories make you. But we all need to make new memories. This is just an opinion of someone far away and far outside of your world who cant wait for the day it is truly "Cheers!!" for you, Adam. Best regards and keep on writing - I will keep reading.
ReplyDeleteoh boy. i'm so HAPPY that you said everything you said! and on a side note, i'm so HAPPY in general! i guess if you dont know me, you wouldntn know that though, right?! haha. i live a very happy and fulfilling life! i am not jaded by my past or ANY woman i have dated. i think you might have made some HUGE assumptions when leaving that comment. let us review, as i address a few of your inaccurate assumptions. :) 1)"i cant wait for a time when, hopefully, you get over this girl and start living in the present." first of all, what girl are you talking about??? have you ever read fiction??? can people write about life without being accused of living in the past? 2) start living in the present?? i live every single day in the present. i'm hung up on no one. the people that GET my time, could definitely confirm this. 3) "you seem to be stuck in the past, how many opportunites have you missed?" WELL, i havent missed any opportunites. i strike when i want,and have no problem doing so. i can get you a list of references that will tell you i act when I WANT TO. 4) "this person that hurt you seems to take up so much of your time, energy, and infiltrates these precious writings." THIS person??? i dont recall ever saying anything about a person i'm writing about, and just help you from making so many assumptions AGAIN, let me help you understand, i am hung up on NO ONE. I live a great, healthy, fun life! and IF i fould something i wanted, i would have ZERO trouble making that known to her. My guess is that there has been some deception within your very own comment. have i passed you up? declined to meet you? pyschologically, thats the sense i'm getting. but i wouldnt want to make a ton of ill assumptions, so i'll stick to proving my own case about YOUR assumptions. 5) "the heartbreak you seem to be swimming in constantly" THIS blog revolves heavily around love and how it affects the human heart. the things i say, and or write about, are feelings millions and millions of people can relate to. again, based on the "tone" of your comment, i find it hard to beleive you are sincerely concerned about me, but rather jaded by me. if you think i have closed off my life to the people in front of me, for someone in my past, then you arent standing in front of me. the people i have chose are. so your "far away and far outside of your world" perspective was a littl too intimate to to go unnoticed as genuine. i dont ask you to read my page, nor to visit it. so dont ask me to change it. the PRIVATE feedback i get from my page drives me to write a million more pieces JUST like this! good luck to you. i'm not a jerk...but i'm also not afraid to defend MY BLOG from ANYONE'S perspective. i guess i'm calling you out, anonymous person. you arent who you say you are....someone far and away. but that's neither here nor there. but definitely worthy of addressing. human pyschology is amazing, and you my friend, gave a few too many details. you'll be back. this only fueled your fire. dont take it personal. but if you do, thats fine too. i simply defended the assumptions you made. you know they say about making assumptions right?!?! go stand in the bathroom, and look at your self, and reapeat the assumption quote ten times please. ha! cheers....nothin' but love........stranger.
ReplyDeleteand to FURTHER add to your ridiculousness, i just did a review of MY ENTIRE BLOG, and only THREE post could even remotely be attributed to an accusation of my past. so...lets do some basic math. that is 3 out of 11. with is 27.2% of my posts involving "material" that you speak of. so not only have i MENTALLY proven your deception and ridiculousness, but i just did it MATHEMATICALLY as well. what a sneaker you are... get off your soap box. not every man wants you. i know EXACTLY who you are now, and WHY you posted what you did.
ReplyDelete